Falling out of love…

21 Sep

Some of the search results that bring people here are interesting but this one caught my eye today:

“my wife has secondary progressive ms and i have fell out of love with her but i do love her”


I personally don’t believe that love is a place you “fall” into or out of.  Love is a choice.  Love is work.  Love is hard.  Love can be very rewarding.  If I did not make the choice to love each day I could easily claim to “fall out of love” with my husband.  I know many people don’t see marriage the same way I do.  Many people walk away when the going gets tough.  Til death do us part has no meaning to the masses.

I was raised different.  Love is not some place that you fall but something that you do.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”  I Corinthians 13.


Posted by on September 21, 2014 in Purpose



5 responses to “Falling out of love…

  1. Julie

    September 21, 2014 at 5:18 am

    Your husband is extremely lucky to have found someone as loyal as you. Today, that is extremely rare. I wish I had a spouse that was that loyal – instead, when I fall, no one comes to pick me up -I have had to learn ways to help myself – or at the very least, find a way to crawl to a phone to call 911. Please forgive me, I don’t mean to be cruel, but you are busy complaining about the life YOU have lost, but it is your husband that has MS. How do you think HE is feeling?!? Have you ever contacted one of the many MS groups for assistance? I think, as a caregiver, you need to ask for assistance – you are getting burned out. It is OK to ask for help. There are support groups for MS caregivers. Please do this for yourself and look into this. Go with God – go in peace.


    • marriedmonster

      September 21, 2014 at 10:09 am

      I think perhaps you missed the point. I am being honest and sharing what it is like to be a caregiver. It is a hard and mostly thankless job full of sacrifices no one sees. I don’t see it as complaining at all. I do have great support from my family and friends and other wives of disabled veterans. I used to wonder what would happen if the tables were turned? I got my answer a few years ago when diagnosed with a severe lung disorder and the doctor told me that his smoking was part of my problem even though he did not smoke in the house. I would be healthier if he quit. When I told him what the doctor said his response to me was “I can’t be expected to change my whole life just because you have an illness.” I guess that was my answer.


      • Marilynn

        September 21, 2014 at 1:53 pm

        OH you so right, knowone ever asks me how I am doing, and I understand I’m not doing this for anyone but him, yet people don’t understand or don’t want to understand what you are doing. I don’t have any support system and even his family doesn’t understand, they just want to tell me what I should do.. I got about the same answer from my husband when he said about the same think about changing his life. It’s is very hard to be a caregiver, you are lost and y0u lose yourself because it’s all about him. Not about US anymore


  2. marriedmonster

    September 21, 2014 at 7:38 pm

    Marilynn – does your VA have a caregiver support group? Ours does and while I have not attended because I do have a very good support in my family and friends and also the wives of the other disabled veterans in his adaptive sports group. I considered but it is 2+ hours of driving round trip for an hour long meeting and I didn’t feel I needed it at the time. But if your VA has these (and is close enough for you to attend without disrupting your whole life) you may want to try.

    Several of the members of my husbands adaptive sports group at the VA have MS and are (0r were until recently) much more advanced in the disease than he is. Their wives are a wonderful support to me. Another very good friend’s husband is a double amputee with a traumatic brain injury, the behaviors are similar. I am grateful for these women that I can call on for comfort and guidance and just to vent sometimes because they get it.


    • Marilynn

      September 21, 2014 at 10:24 pm

      I have asked but my social worker does not know of one. A MS group is about 1 hour away from here, but I would have to get someone to stay with him I don’t have the support from my husband family, it’s more like they want to tell me what I should do. Lately it’s gotten much worse. You are very fortunate to have great support that you have, how I wished I did. I’m much on my own . My husbands disease has progressed very fast. I think the one thing that hurts is the lonelness but I’m I had adapted. My husband doesn’t thing that he is as bad as he is, he has lost the use of his legs about five years ago and now he has lost the left side of his body. He is slowing losing the ability to keep his upper body upright.

      How I wish I had someone to vent too. it causes tensions between us, and sometimes I really resent him. When we married he was very active in sports and work . After we left the military, he went to work for Boeing. We traveled and enjoy life for awhile, but I knew something was wrong, but he would’t go to the Dr. or the VA. He is very stubborn and very mean at times.

      I supposed it’s because of the way I was raised that I accept the challenges that have happen with this terrible disease. It’s funny because when I finally convinced him to go to the VA he told me he had ALS, so when they finally found out it was MS, we didn’t realize the path we were about to travel.
      But I’m fine. It’s funny because my mother who was ten years younger then my father who probably had PTSD, from WWII, should would always say ” I just want to live 10 minutes longer than your father” I could never understand until now.

      thanks for your concern, will keep in contact.



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